Who is normally used for the person doing an action, and whom for the person receiving the action or following a preposition. “Who called you?” asks about the caller. “Whom did you call?” asks about the person who received the call. Modern conversational English often uses who in both places, but whom still appears in formal writing and expressions such as “to whom it may concern.”
The quick test: If the answer is he or she, choose who. If the answer is him or her, formal grammar usually calls for whom.
Who emailed? She emailed. Whom did you email? You emailed her.
Who does the action
In grammar, the subject is the person or thing doing the action, or the subject of a linking verb. Use who when asking about that subject. You don’t need to know the person’s identity before asking the question.
- “Who opened the door?”
- “Who wants another slice?”
- “Who is responsible for the schedule?”
- “Who left this notebook on the desk?”
In “Who opened the door?” the unknown person opened it. The answer could be “Maya opened the door.” Because Maya is the subject, who is correct. The same principle works in indirect questions: “I wonder who opened the door.”
Whom receives the action
The object receives the action of a verb or follows a preposition. Traditional formal grammar uses whom for that role. The word order in questions can hide the relationship, so try answering the question as a statement.
Question: “Whom did the manager invite?”
Answer: “The manager invited him.”
Question: “To whom should I send the letter?”
Answer: “Send the letter to her.”
Notice that the manager, not the invited person, does the inviting. In the second example, to is a preposition and whom is its object. Formal writing frequently keeps the preposition before whom, although everyday speech often places it at the end: “Who should I send it to?”
Try the he-or-him test
The substitution method is a practical shortcut when a question feels confusing. Change it into a simple statement and decide whether you would say he or him. It also works with she and her, or they and them.
- “Who/whom won the prize?” Answer: “They won the prize.” Choose who.
- “Who/whom did you see?” Answer: “I saw them.” Formal choice: whom.
- “Who/whom called yesterday?” Answer: “He called yesterday.” Choose who.
- “With who/whom did she speak?” Answer: “She spoke with him.” Formal choice: whom.
Don’t simply look for the nearest verb. Find the role played by the person represented by the missing word. This matters especially in longer sentences, where another subject and verb may appear nearby.
A tricky case with two verbs
Consider “Who do you think will win?” Some writers mistakenly choose whom because the words do you think occur between the question word and the main verb. But the person is the subject of will win, so who is correct.
Now compare “Whom do you think the committee will choose?” The committee will choose him or her. The person represented by the question word is the object of choose, so formal grammar calls for whom.
The difference is easier to see when you reduce each sentence to the relevant clause: “She will win” versus “The committee will choose her.” The introductory “do you think” doesn’t determine the case. The role in the smaller clause does.
Whoever and whomever follow the same pattern
The longer forms follow the same subject-object distinction, but their grammar can be trickier. Use whoever if the word acts as the subject of its own clause, even when that entire clause serves as an object in the larger sentence.
“Give the award to whoever finishes first” is correct. The whole clause whoever finishes first follows to, but inside that clause whoever is the subject of finishes. It is not automatically whomever just because to appears earlier.
In contrast, “The prize goes to whomever the judges select” is a formal construction because the judges select him or her. The judges are the subject of select, and whomever is its object. In everyday conversation, many speakers would naturally say “whoever the judges select.”
What sounds natural in everyday English?
Formal rules and common usage don’t always match. Many English speakers say “Who did you call?” rather than “Whom did you call?” The first version is standard in ordinary conversation and in a great deal of modern writing. Choosing who there usually sounds more natural, not careless.
Cambridge Dictionary’s grammar guidance on who and whom describes whom as particularly formal. Merriam-Webster also discusses the subject and object distinction in its who versus whom usage guide. Both sources help explain why readers encounter different forms in speech and edited prose.
For an email to a coworker, “Who should I contact?” usually reads well. A legal document or very formal letter may prefer “Whom should I contact?” A phrase such as “To whom it may concern” remains recognizable even though it can feel impersonal when the recipient’s name is available.
When the preposition comes first
Prepositions such as to, for, with, and from make the formal choice clearer. If you put one immediately before the question word, whom is the traditional form.
| Formal | Conversational |
|---|---|
| To whom did you write? | Who did you write to? |
| With whom are you traveling? | Who are you traveling with? |
| For whom is this package? | Who is this package for? |
These pairs communicate the same basic ideas, but their tone differs. Moving the preposition to the end makes the sentence more conversational. When the preposition stays at the beginning, “to who” or “with who” generally sounds ungrammatical in formal edited English.
Relative clauses also use who and whom
The distinction isn’t limited to questions. A relative clause adds information about a person: “The teacher who helped me moved away.” Here who is the subject of helped.
“The teacher whom I thanked moved away” uses the object form in formal grammar. The speaker thanked her. In casual English, “The teacher who I thanked” is also common, and “The teacher I thanked” omits the relative pronoun entirely.
You normally cannot omit the subject relative pronoun in the same way. “The teacher helped me moved away” does not mean “The teacher who helped me moved away.” Without who, the structure changes or becomes confusing.
Five sentences to practice
Choose who or whom for a formal grammar exercise. In everyday conversation, some object positions can naturally take who; the answers below focus on the traditional distinction.
- ______ is presenting at the meeting?
- To ______ should we address the invitation?
- ______ do you think knows the answer?
- ______ did the coach select for the team?
- The student ______ wrote the letter was absent.
Show answers with reasons
1. Who: the presenter is the subject. 2. Whom: object of to. 3. Who: the person knows the answer. 4. Whom: the coach selected that person. 5. Who: the student wrote the letter.
Use who when the person is doing the action and whom when the person receives it in formal grammar. When you’re writing a natural message and whom feels stiff, rearranging the sentence may give you a clearer answer than forcing a formal construction.
